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Sophie's been put to sleep.

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My mind's in this floaty state right now. I feel like I should be sobbing my eyes out for Sophie, but I also feel like I should get over it and move on. And the chant through my head for the past four or so hours has been "sophie, she's gone, sophie, rosalie, molly, they're all gone, sophie, sophie, get over it, sophie, sophie, my namesake's gone, why, sophie." My mind keeps going back to fourth grade when Rosalie was put down and remembering how I felt then and realizing that I felt sad then because my mom was upset and not really anything else. I missed her but no more than if I had been going over to a friend's house for the night. And it was the same thing when my grandmother died. I didn't know her that well, I was sad because my mom and dad were and that was how I should be. Now I actually feel sad and lost and I don't know. Sophie's gone!

Supposedly Sophie and Freddy were Christmas presents to my dad before I was born. I'm not sure if Bear was born yet or not. But I wasn't. My mom went out Christmas Eve or sometime and my dad thought she was going to get pastries.

After school was fun, although that might just be my mind warping the events before I got home. So someone pulled the fire alarm because of smoke in the science wing and the cast of the play, the teachers and the crew from the cafeteria were standing around outside. Rob and some other male senior I don't know were singing Steven Lynch's If I Were Gay song, which I had never heard before. It was amusing to say the least and Carol missed it until some of the last lines.

My history topic right now is "the waste of natural resources around the world and the environmental impact over the past 100 years." Elisabeth came up with the topic because we were discussing how idiotic Chebator was to be forcing us to use 40 notecards when we could all just type it up on the computer and have it perfectly organized. So we were discussing how much paper it was wasting if he was having everyone from all of his classes use them. And Elisabeth suggested the waste of paper around the world as a joke for a topic, but it actually sounds sort of interesting.

Here we are dear old friend
You and I drunk again
Laughs have been had and tears have been shed
Maybe the whiskey has gone to my head

But if I were gay, I would give you my heart
And if I were gay you'd be my work of art
If I were gay we would swim in romance
But I'm not gay so get your hand out of my pants

Its not that I don't care, I do
I just don't see myself in you
Another time another scene
I'd be right behind you if you know what I mean

If I were gay I would give you my soul
If I were gay I would give you my hole.. being
If I were gay we would tear down the walls
But I'm not gay so why don't you stop cupping my b...hands

We've never hugged, we've never kissed
I've never been intimate with your fist
You have opened brand new doors
Get over here and drop your........